reasons like seasons they constantly change

Last night I hung out with three of my best friends. Amanda, Jake, and Justine. Today I went to my other best friend's surprise birthday party Erin, and Nikki was there. So I saw all of my best friends the past two days. It's good to see us all grow up, but still be able to make silly jokes and laugh and gossip.
Growing apart scares me, but what can you do?
Seeing them reminded me of who I was, and I now see that though I like a lot of who I'm becoming some things aren't all who I was, and I don't want to be that kind of person.
What I'm trying to say is, I made a big mistake. I can't take it back, and I don't regret it but I need to end it. Before it gets worse, and before I get hurt. It was silly of me to think that this was okay, even for a second. But how can I learn if I don't struggle a little?

What the sad part of the story really is, who I wish I could talk to about this. More on that later.

I'm still blown away about how fast this year has gone by.

the things we never had, and the things we wish would come back

Finals week has been so weird. We have so much to do, study, pack, and take finals but I feel like I'm not doing anything at all. I've gotten more sleep, hung out with more people, and eaten way too much. I'm mostly just amazed about how much time has passed, but still there's so much more time to go.
I'm about to complete my first quarter in college. I don't really feel any different. But I know I am. I live with all my friends, and everything I do is for me and for my future.
I'm not ready to come home. i'm ready for a break. I need to clear my mind, and get a level head. I've gotten so lazy! Everything that has happened to me here almost feels like a dream, I've had such a good time. I've been so happy.
It doesn't feel like adulthood, it doesn't feel like Christmas.

In the middle of the night
Laying there in your arms
Your cheek pressed against mine
I realized we have no future
we're simply present tense

Where do they all come from? Where do they all belong?

Not having my cellphone today has made me feel so awkward. I've lost track of time, and I've barely spoken to anyone all day. It's strange that texting is how I feel connected to people. Speaking should be how we feel connected to people. Texting has become my connection.
But now I understand why I text so much, I don't want to feel alone, or be alone. Loneliness doesn't come when your cellphone has a new message.

Today I ate lunch alone. I wasn't lonely.
I looked around and I saw a boy eating alone. He didn't look lonely.
We were connected by the mere fact that we were alone.
We were both alone, so weren't really alone.
He got up.
He walked away.
He didn't even look back.
Then I was alone.